Review by Sinbomb

Flanked by two identical pixelated plastic surgery porn stars, the hotshot host couldn't have said it better with the catchphrase "I'd buy that for a dollar!". Actually, Smash TV costs $5 in Live Arcade, but for fans of Geometry Wars and Mutant Storm, there's a whole lot more loving to be had with this resurrected classic.

Gameplay
Even for a game made in the dying days of the neon-saturated spandex cyclone of the 1980's, Smash TV serves as an icon of overwhelming freakishness. This is definitely not a bad thing, as the outlandish variety adds tremendous character and enjoyment to the title.

As you boot the game up, a flashing psychedelic screen informs you that the year is 1999 and television has become a cesspool of violence and materialism (hmmm....). The most popular program is a game show in which two contestants risk life and limb for big money and big prizes. This quaint introduction sets the stage for you, the contestant, to engage in uninhibited mass carnage against armies of bat-wielding goons in hot pink workout suits, floating robots, robot buffalo, snake men, and assorted robot centipedes.

Flow of the game is simple enough, as players move from rectangular room to rectangular room, collecting weapon powerups, cash, and prize packages such as "super VCRs" and "a year's supply of good meat", all the while mowing down legions of foes with an assortment of guns and ballistics. Progress is tracked on a mini-map that is displayed onscreen after each room is cleared. At the end of each thematic stage, a boss appears that will most likely leave gamers agape in horror. Besides their outright repulsiveness, the bosses display incremental body damage, losing arms or having their face bloodied and torn apart. Its raucous fun, if you don't mind the in-your-face cartoonish brutality of it all.

Control of the onscreen avatar is slightly outdated, only allowing players to move along the four cardinal directions and their diagonals. Firing is also subject to the same restrictions and will lead to a few grumbles as the enemies have more fluid motion than the player, but altogether Smash TV retains good balance from beginning to end. Your gun may be aimed with either the right analog stick or the face buttons, with combinations of buttons allowing for diagonal firing. Weapon powerups endow players with more widespread destruction, but wear out quickly and are often the cause of death due to a greedy attempt at nabbing one amidst a mob. Adding another layer of stress, randomly placed landmines force users to zig-zag around the room or risk being blown limb from limb. One false move, one second of relaxation, and it all comes crashing down in a gory spectacle.

Graphics
Bright and colorful, at first the world of Smash TV doesn't seem like a place for non-stop, unadulterated violence, until you get about 5 seconds into the game. While blobby and formless, the designers differentiate colors in a smart way, allowing for easy identification of your character, the enemies, and powerups. Tons of onscreen enemies all animated simultaneously has the ability to impress at times, albeit in a sense that you wouldn't expect old games to be able to track all the commotion with a steady framerate.

Sound
Although a 16 year-old title, sound effects are advanced enough to sport digitized voices that still manage to elicit laughs. Besides this, the game world is fueled with the arcade sounds of yesteryear, and the blips, bleeps, and bangs have enough variety to keep from grating on the nerves. You are not going to get any kind of surround output or orchestral accompaniments, but thats not what Smash TV is about. In all likelihood, you will probably be jiggling the analog sticks so fast you won't even bother listening to whats coming out of your speakers.

Multiplayer
Team up with a friend and take down the likes of Mutoid Man and Scarface together. Smash TV passes with flying colors in multiplayer. Difficulty is ramped up to provide a monstrous challenge for duos seeking to try their luck. It will require teamwork, but its also a race to see who can score more points. A fundamental gameplay rule is changed as well for co-op mode. Instead of a fixed number of continues, each player is allowed one continue per room, which may seem generous at first, but will end up being a scarce number in later levels. Even in spite of this, the balance remains constant throughout and only those with nerves of steel and lightning fingers will prevail.

Achievements
As difficult as the game plays normally, some of these achievements require godly perfection to unlock. Challenges such as beating each stage without continuing, as well as the entire game, make for sheer hopeless frustration at times. Other goals are suited more for the casual player, only requiring completion of each stage, continues or not. These are definitely a tough dozen to unlock.

Lasting Appeal
While short on actual levels, the white-knuckled intensity will keep gamers coming back for more, in an effort to perfect their run-and-gun skills. Its insane pacing and wacky style doesn't wear thin over the many rounds, and the co-op games usually have a few people looking to blast their way to riches.

Final Score

• Its hard to go wrong with this one at only $5
• Co-op mode is an extremely welcome addition
• Satisfyingly quirky, overflowing with personality

• Controls aren't as smooth as they could be
• Achievements ask quite a bit from players

Note: A rating scale of 0 - 10 is used, with 10 being the highest a game can score while 0 is the absolute worst. Each category has a point value associated with it and a final score is displayed at the end of the review. The opinions expressed in this review are not necessarily the opinions held by the owners of www.achieve360points.com.